Crossing Lines
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: "I'm scared of losing you. Our friendship is important to me and when this doesn't work out, we can't go back to what we were." /Outtake for WTHN/ Slash/


[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

[A/N] Another Outtake for **WTHN** cause me has just too much fun writing those characters. I heart them all so much. This is my first attempt on slash, like boy-on-boy slash and I hope it doesn't suck too much.

****Crossing Lines****

When you fall in love for the very first time it's like suddenly everything changes and things that never managed to make any kind of sense to you seem clearer than you could ever have imagined them to be like.

There is something almost magic-like when your heart beat increases for the first time when you look upon someone's face and you find something in his eyes that makes your insides tingle like you just swallowed a bunch of butterflies.

I remember exactly the moment my former friendly feelings towards my best friend changed into something more. My father had taken the two of us on a Camping trip, one of his desperate attempts on making me— a real man—as he used to call it. What the point is in freezing your ass off in a tent in the middle of nowhere is beyond me but anyway…

In the middle of that night I woke up and for some reason my head had ended up on Seth's bare chest, my fingers grapping his muscular upper arm as if I was somehow trying to keep him close to me. I blinked, being almost blind without my stupid glasses but when I turned my head I saw how his full lower lip curved into a crooked smile on his sleeping face. His eyelashes, thick and silky, fluttered and I found myself thinking that he was the most beautiful creature ever to have walked on this earth.

Prettier than any girl ever could be to me and I wondered, if me staring at him like this meant I was gay. Being gay was not something that was considered being a good thing from where I was coming. My Romanian father was already concerned enough about my lack of interest in the girls in my class.

Hesitantly I reached out my finger to push a wisp of Seth's hair from his forehead. He groaned and that sound coming from his lips went somehow straight to my cock, making it twitch in my pajama pants although I tried my very best to ignore it.

Anyway, from that moment on Seth was it for me. It was always his face that I visualized in front of my inner eye when I touched myself or even when another guy had me in his mouth. Crap, I even pictured him in front of me when I _fathered_ my child. It was always him, always…

"Benjamin?"

I shrugged, dropping the pile of books I had been holding in my arms on the ground where they landed with a loud bang.

"Are you awake now? You seem a little bit dreamily today. Have you heard just one single word I told you right now?"

"Sure, I did."

"And what do you say to the news?"

"What do I say to what kind of news?" I asked back, finding myself sounding like a complete moron.

"About me moving to Boston next month of course." He stated, taking a magazine from the shelf behind him to scroll through the pages.

_Enjoy your cock_

Fuck, how much I would love to enjoy yours my gorgeous friend in front of me. Crap, now I'm getting hard again. Think of something unsexy…naked women, old naked women, saggy tits…great this is working.

"Have you nothing to say to it at all?"

"Nothing to say to what?"

"Damn it, are you even listening to me at all? I'm moving to Boston because a hospital down there offered me a job."

"Don't they need any doctors over here in Seattle? I could talk to Carlisle about that. Ask him if…,"

"Actually it was his idea. He thinks that I could learn a lot at the Cardiology Unit down there."

I nodded my head and tried to keep my face a calm mask. This was his dream coming true. Seth had dreamed about being a Cardiologist since…well for a very long time. Maybe the lethal heart attack of his father had put that thought into his head and I wondered why my mother's death caused by her congenital heart disease hadn't triggered some kind of medical interest in me.

"How do you feel about me moving to Massachusetts?"

"Shouldn't you better be asking that question your girlfriend?"

He sighed and put the porn magazine back into the shelf.

"We broke up."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I'm actually thrilled but if I would admit that it would make me appear like an asshole, kind of.

"You don't have to lie to me. I know that you couldn't stand Bree for crying out loud."

"That's not true." I can't stand any of the pussies you used to fuck with and that goes for the few guys you have dated as well. Why them and not me? Life is so fucking unfair…

A deep chuckle left his throat and when he placed his arm on my shoulder, his fingertips brushing over my biceps, I had to swallow hard to suppress the feeling of warmth that instantly spread through my entire body.

It's not like I haven't pushed my luck with Seth more than one time since that tent night almost ten years ago. He knows how I feel about him—well at least to a certain extent— and he's not returning my feelings for fucks sake. I tried to kiss him once when I was really drunk and it pissed him off for several days. Seth told me that I'm ruining our friendship with stuff like that and it's not something that I want to risk no matter how much I want us to be more than friends…so much more.

XXXX

Having him here in my room is awkward because sleeping in the same bed with him without being allowed to touch him is like pure torture and today it's even more so because it's the last night before his flight tomorrow morning. I don't want him to go. I will miss him too much and I'm scared, terribly scared he's going to meet someone new in Boston. Someone he might really like. Then I'm going to lose him completely. Damn it, it's not like he ever was _yours_…

"You are so quiet tonight." He mumbled, taking another sip from the bottle of beer between his hands.

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

You, me, the us that will never be because for some reason I haven't figured out yet, I'm not good enough for you no matter how hard I try.

"Just some stuff."

My eyes wander to the silver framed picture of my little daughter that is standing next to the bed and a smile hushes over my face.

Zoe is the best thing that ever happened to me. She's a miracle and I will be grateful for every single day of my life that she's a part of it. Such a strong and stubborn little girl…

"I'm going to miss you."

"Not as much as I'm going to miss you."

He rolls his eyes at that and stands up, stretching his arms over his head. A small strip of his rippled stomach is exposed for a split second and I want nothing more than to run my fingers over the muscles on his abdomen up to his broad chest.

"You actually know that I care for you. Do you?"

I nod my head and move a little closer to him on the bed, leaning back against its metal frame while my left thigh is touching against his knee.

"So, do you?"

"Benjamin, you know I can't stand it when you talk to me like this. Of course, I care for you. I always cared for you."

It's stupid but the urge to touch him is getting so unbearable for me that I grab his face roughly between both of my hands. I'm determined to get through with the kissing this time but a split second before my lips crash against his, I hesitate.

And then, to my surprise, he leans forward and touches his full, velvety lips to mine so very gently for the first time. It's enough to encourage me to deepen the kiss. On my tongue I'm tasting the warmth of his mouth and I want to cherish every single second of this. Any moment he's going to pull back and slap me right across the face for this. It doesn't happen and when he eventually breaks the contact of our mouths both of us are panting heavily.

"I'm sorry." I stumble out when I manage to catch my breath again.

"Please, don't say that. I know you're not truly sorry about the kiss."

He knows me too well…

"You kissed me back." I state, sounding like a stupid insulted child in my own ears. Get your grip together…

"Yes, I did. Are you going to mark the day in your calendar with a red cross because of it?"

I hiss some Romanian profanities at him and the expression on his face softens instantly.

"I love it when you speak Romanian. It always sounds so passionately when you do that."

"Whatever…,"

"Benjamin, can you at least try to understand my point?"

"No,"

"I care for you. You are so important to me and I don't want to lose you."

"But you don't want us to be together. I tell you something…you and I, we'd be great together but you are too chicken to…,"

He kisses me again, his mouth hard on mine, his hands moving down my back until his fingers grab my backside tightly pulling me closer towards him and I can feel, actually feel that he's getting hard against my own already semi-hard cock.

"I'm scared." he whispers, pulling me on his lap while I circle my fingers down his throat until I reach the buttons of his shirt and start fumbling them open.

"Benjamin, I'm scared."

"Of what? I think you already had sex with men before?" I ask him and try not to let the jealousy show through too much in my words.

"No, not about the sex…although I'm nervous about that too,"

I open the last buttons of his shirt, letting it fall down on the ground next to the bed. So beautiful, I think, leaning forward to plant several open mouthed kisses down his muscular chest. He whimpers when I swirl my tongue over his left nipple.

"Wait, we need to talk."

Can we talk after we had sex? It's way easier for me to concentrate when my cock is not throbbing in my pants, begging for your lips to wrap around it. Oh dear Christ.

"I'm scared of losing you. Our friendship is important to me and when this doesn't work out, we can't go back to what we were."

I swallow hard and something cramps painfully around my heart because I know he is right. When I fuck this up and I have no doubt that when someone is going to fuck things up it'll be me, we can't just pretend that we never crossed the fine line between friendship and love.

"_Te__iubesc_,"

"I love you too, so very much and I understand that you are scared."

"You do?"

I take his hand in mine and place it right above my heart.

"I'm scared too but I'm more afraid that if we never try whether this works out or not, we are going to regret it. Maybe not today or tomorrow but one day we will. I want to be with you more than anything. I love you."

He fumbles with the belt of my jeans and when he eventually kneels down in front of me and pulls the zipper down, I close my eyes for a moment.

"No, I want you to look at me."

My eyes fall open again and the sight of Seth, running his tongue over the head of my cock is almost enough to push me over the edge. Damn it, you can't cum after three seconds like some fucking loser. Try to concentrate, think of something unsexy…

Seth sucks me deeper into the wet heat of his mouth and I feel the muscles in my abdomen starting to tighten. It's so good…too good.

"You need to stop or I'm going to…oh fuck."

The spasms of my climax rock through my body and I feel him gag around me before he swallows in one big gulp.

I want to taste him too, so very badly and when I push his jeans and boxers down his thighs my hands are quivering from anticipation.

"Top or bottom?" he asks me suddenly and there is a nervous hint in his voice that I don't understand. He already knows about my personal preference. I have shoved it into his face whenever the opportunity presented itself…

"Bottom," I murmur before I wrap my hand around his shaft, letting my tongue lap on the tiny bit of pre cum that is dripping down his slit. "I want this pretty cock of yours to be deep inside me when you cum."

"Fuck…you can't say stuff like that to me…oh..ahhh…oh fuck."

I let go of him and search for the lube and the condoms in my nightstand. When I hand him the bottle with the lube he clears his throat nervously.

"Benjamin…I don't know how to…I mean I never."

"Do you prefer to bottom?"

"Yes…no…I don't know. Crap, this is so embarrassing. You are going to laugh. I know how you are like."

"I'm not going to laugh, I promise." I assure him, cuddling against him from behind to graze the shell of his ear with my front teeth.

"Fine," he starts, taking a deep breath through his opened mouth. "I don't have that much experience with other men. I mean, there has never been more than some fumbling and blow jobs at the most. I want to make love to you but I don't want to disappoint you."

"You could never disappoint me. Stop worrying about this."

I squeeze a bit of the lube on his forefinger before I lean back against the pillows, holding my breath when he slowly kisses his way down my back until his tongue reached the crack of my ass. I whimper against the fluffy fabric of the pillows when the tip of his finger gently circled over my puckered hole.

"Let me feel your finger inside me…yes, just like that. Oh fuck…fuck…oh fuck…,"

After a few minutes he added a second finger and finally a third one, stretching and preparing me for him.

I heard him tearing the foil of the condom package open, rolling it down his shaft before he pressed into me as slowly as he was probably capable of.

"Oh…ahh…ohh,"

"Am I hurting you?" he asks me worriedly, pulling out a bit again.

"No, it feels good…so fucking good…oh fuck…ahhh…,"

Automatically I buck my hips towards him when he pushes into me again, rocking them back and forth until he was completely inside me.

"So tight…so hot and tight…"

He starts thrusting inside me, slowly at first as if he was still afraid to hurt me but then something like an instinct kicks in and he increases the tempo of his movements until his cock twitched inside me and he collapses on top of me a heartbeat later.

"I love you. I love you so very much, Seth, so very much."

The tears are starting to roll down my cheeks and I can't find the strength in me to hold them back. He knows how I am and he can handle me being emotional better than anyone else in my life.

He knows be better than I know myself and in a way that I don't have good enough words for it he makes me whole.


End file.
